"Michestone" Tire Combo Helps Clinch F1 Championship

"Paddy O'Moto wants to turn left on Bridgetones and turn right on Michelins. I'm not going to argue with him. Especially in Brazil."

So said Two Micks Racing chief, Michael McMahon, at the post-race press conference when asked how he was able to get the two largest and most competitive racing tire manufacturers to put aside their multi-billion dollar differences and construct cooperative rubber for O'Moto's championship clincher.

Nicknamed "The Bipartisan" by a cynical American press, the multinational tire package featured the best of both companies. The 'Stones were sticky for the lefts; and the Michelins poised on the rights. But the almost sexual chemistry between the tires was not fully realized until the long back straight of Interlagos, where O'Moto's TMR 2008.75 chassis,  topping 340 km/hr in the speed trap, reached a temperature previously thought possible only during a Teddy Pendergrass ballad.

"You know, honestly, with the conditions the way they were late race, I could have won on my lawn mower with the blade down," said the now 9-time World Champion. "The spray was just heinous. I thought they'd put in a lap pool. Still, it was great watching those two CEO's hug like that."

While the stewards will neither officially confirm nor deny the reported mid-race installation  of a swimming pool, local favorite Felipe Massa did finish second in the championship."

"I just want to thank God and my family," said the native Brazilian predictably.

With the 2008 season officially over, multiple world champion O'Moto heads north to defend his Iditarod title, after which he will almost certainly defeat his nephew at a Go-Cart-themed birthday party.

High Speed Chase Ends With Autographs, Hugs

In what producers of 'World's Wildest Police Videos' are calling the "fastest, most daring high speed chase on record and an absolute ratings bonanza", motorsport supernova, Paddy O'Moto, today led state & local law enforcement officers on a wildly expeditious pursuit that regularly exceeded 200 miles per hour.

"Fall colors are prettier when they're blurry," said O'Moto, a noted collector of Impressionist art. "But I only topped out at 220 'cuz my Michelins started smoking like a soccer mom at Burning Man. For my next felony endangerment charge, I'll be running Bridgestones." 

Very late for the opening practice session of the AMA Superbike finale at Laguna Seca, Paddy O'Moto used a Two Micks Racing-tuned Bugatti Veyron to outwit his gun-toting rivals. Making the feat even more remarkable is our knowledge that O'Moto had just flown in from Singapore, where he'd used an in-house developed, g-force certified night vision goggle package to qualify on pole for Formula One's very first night race. 

Reportedly assisted with driving directions by a blind local disc jockey, Mr. O'Moto's twisting, turning escape route from the Petaluma Municipal Airport to the front gates of Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca covered more than 230 miles, some of them upside down. 

"When I saw those National Guard tanks inside the Caldicot Tunnel, I figured I needed to test the new down-force package we've been working on since Catalunya," said Paddy. "It wasn't flawless anti-gravity execution, but I did high-five that gunman in his turret." 

Upon arriving in pastoral Salinas, Paddy was greeted surprisingly not with pepper spray and shotguns, but with popping flashbulbs and gushing lawmen. "We're not going to arrest him because he stopped at every school crossing and gave such high praise to our California roads," said CHiP spokesperson E. Estrada. "You can't buy that kind of publicity."

Only O'Moto's right foot was photographed and fingerprinted, leaving his hands free to sign autographs. 

"I had to hitchhike down here to see this," said Jamal Berkeley, whose new Ducati 1098R had been politely commandeered by O'Moto mid-chase. "What a cool guy, he even got it detailed for me."

Using the bone stock, Italian streetbike, O'Moto shattered the Laguna Seca track record on his second lap of the session.

In a late-breaking and related story, French tire giant Michelin declared bankruptcy and is currently waving the white flag of debt relief.