O'Moto Breaks Lap Record In Pace Car, As Passenger

With his race car held captive in pit lane by a jilted, bitter Gisele Bundchen -- yet another supermodel refusing to remove herself from his cockpit on race day -- motorsport superlegend, P. O'Moto, was forced to hitch a ride in the AMG Mercedes pace car for the sighting lap of this weekend's Italian Grand Prix at Monza.

Hanging half of his chiseled body from the moonroof of the race-prepped SL 63 and waving selflessly to his legion of Italian fans, O'Moto still managed to shout instructions to his driver -- local UPS standout, Max Biaggi. By squaring off the last corner and then drafting a stationary Giancarlo Fisichella who had stalled on the grid, O'Moto and Biaggi were able to shave 6/100th off the lap record. No easy feat in the rain.

"I won the World Rally Championship a couple of times way back when," said O'Moto, laughing all the way to the bank. "My navigation skills are underestimated, much to the detriment of my rivals."

Biaggi, a former four-time 250 motorcycle Grand Prix champion and Driver-of-the-Month award winner (February '05) was thrilled to be part of the historic day. "For sure, I'm excited Mr. O'Moto was able to set this record at my home track," exclaimed the Rome native. "But better for me and my family, he wants me to be his regular chauffeur now."

O'Moto has promised to replicate the feat at next week's Singapore Grand Prix.

"With my hands free, I can text my qualifying time to the NASCAR boys," he said. "Should save me a trip."

Victory Burnout Stuns Art Historians

Following another stunning yet wholly predictable victory at San Marino this weekend, MotoGP's biggest star, P. O'Moto, left a smoking souvenir for the fans gathered at Misano's start/finish line -- a reimagining of Leonardo Da Vinci's "Mono Lisa".

"When I saw all that tire smoke, I thought he was just gonna solve another ol' quadratic equation, like he usually does," said fan club President, Kenny Roberts, Sr. "But then I seen that familiar smirk on Leo's girl and knew we were in for something really special."

Completed in just 45 seconds, the "little doodle" as O'Moto referred to it, is arguably Italy's most important artistic contribution of the last decade. 

"I got a terrible start because our new zipper clutch isn't working quite right," said O'Moto, clutching the Holy Grail he'd uncovered during a brief off-track excursion on the sighting lap. "But after Stoner tumbled off his bike stand and Rossi pulled over to let me pass,  I got inspired and spent the rest of the race doing sketches in my head."

"I like it alright, but it probably would have been a little better had I used a hard rear."

Later this week, a carbon fiber frame will be placed around Italy's newest masterwork, and a chicane will be added to re-route race traffic.

Bridgestone engineers are quickly developing race tires in an array of muted colors.

Two Micks Racing mulls jet purchase

Two Micks Racing, the commercial, developmental, promotional and spiritual arm of motorsport uberstar P. O'Moto's global racing empire, is said to be considering the addition of another jet to its fleet. Already possessing an  impressive collection worthy of its own regional airline, Two Micks Racing has long been rumored to be in the market for a plane that will carry its other planes.

"We're negotiating with the French to be the first private owner of the new Airbus B1GA55," team CEO, Michael "The Irish Hand Grenade" McMahon confirmed from his office on the top floor of the world's tallest building. "Not only will it carry all of our racing machinery, it has a special lead-lined workshop that will allow our team of engineers to continue development of the NuclearDiesel hybrid rotary engine we are preparing for next year's 24 Hours of Le Mans."

In addition to the hangar-sized storage area and garage, the special order jet is believed to contain a three-level nightclub, Pink Berry stand and a faithful replica of Enzo Ferrari's office.

"If the French surrender it on time, I'll land her on the front straight at Magny-Cours right before we grid up for the French GP," said McMahon hopefully. "Who knows if they'll finish. We'll probably have to build it ourselves."