O'Moto Even Winning the Rat Race

Sources close to 'the Man' reveal exclusively to this web log that international racing gigastar, Paddy O'Moto, has pulled out a substantial lead in the allegorical, yet highly competitive, Rat

Race.

Once the exclusive domain of young, scrupleless lawyers and vapid but earnest advertising executives, the world's most celebrated motorsport stylist is now burning a smoking rubber stripe across the pasty flanks of professional professionals everywhere. And while no qualitative measurement exists for this type of competition, they say Paddy O'Moto has gone farther faster than anyone since John F. Kennedy. 

The national T.H.E.Y. spokesperson, I.M. Inahuri, issued the following official statement from his alternate Blackberry, although he was extremely busy: 

"While our bylaws prevent us from ever declaring an actual winner, Mr. O'Moto's recent accomplishments have exceeded even those of that one guy who made partner before he was 25. Just last week, while shouting instructions to his broker who was strapped to the hood selling AIG stock short, Paddy was able to grab pole position for the Camping World RV 400 at Dover International Speedway; all the while successfully lobbying Congress to table their vote on decreasing the interstate speed limit. The fact that he used his cool-down lap to instant message his tire preferences to the Bridgestone engineers in Singapore made it very clear to us that this kid  is on the fast track to success."

Mr. O'Moto, who was picking up his girlfriend's kids from soccer practice and unavailable for comment, soon hopes to set an unbreakable lap record around the vicious circle.

O'Moto Breaks Lap Record In Pace Car, As Passenger

With his race car held captive in pit lane by a jilted, bitter Gisele Bundchen -- yet another supermodel refusing to remove herself from his cockpit on race day -- motorsport superlegend, P. O'Moto, was forced to hitch a ride in the AMG Mercedes pace car for the sighting lap of this weekend's Italian Grand Prix at Monza.

Hanging half of his chiseled body from the moonroof of the race-prepped SL 63 and waving selflessly to his legion of Italian fans, O'Moto still managed to shout instructions to his driver -- local UPS standout, Max Biaggi. By squaring off the last corner and then drafting a stationary Giancarlo Fisichella who had stalled on the grid, O'Moto and Biaggi were able to shave 6/100th off the lap record. No easy feat in the rain.

"I won the World Rally Championship a couple of times way back when," said O'Moto, laughing all the way to the bank. "My navigation skills are underestimated, much to the detriment of my rivals."

Biaggi, a former four-time 250 motorcycle Grand Prix champion and Driver-of-the-Month award winner (February '05) was thrilled to be part of the historic day. "For sure, I'm excited Mr. O'Moto was able to set this record at my home track," exclaimed the Rome native. "But better for me and my family, he wants me to be his regular chauffeur now."

O'Moto has promised to replicate the feat at next week's Singapore Grand Prix.

"With my hands free, I can text my qualifying time to the NASCAR boys," he said. "Should save me a trip."