New Director of Aerodynamics Must Be in Bed by 8:30, Mom Says

Correctly answering nine out of ten questions on your Wednesday morning math quiz usually won't get you a plum assignment in international motorsports. But acing that test after designing a state-of-the-art wind tunnel on a $7.50 budget sure will.

Such is the case for Two Micks Racing's new Director of Aerodynamics, Cameron McCanless. The 8-year old native Georgian, whose father once dropped a 396 Chrysler engine into a Volvo station wagon, is understandably still awed by the all the attention.

"It was just my science project until J.K. Rowling knocked on the door carrying a suitcase full of bottle rockets," said the third grader. "Apparently,  now I have to relocate to Woking. I hope Mom is cool with that."

McCanless's wind tunnel was assembled using salvaged items. The reducer was carefully crafted from discarded boxes and duct tape, a liquor store box with dividers became the air straightener, brazing rods acting as "trampeezes" held the Pinewood Derby test car, and a scale capable of measurements as small as .oo5N(5gf) was fashioned from melamine quadrant and a dry-erase marker.

A discarded box fan provides the "Big 4" wind velocities of 'Low', 'Medium', 'High' and 'Off'.

After emerging victorious from a bloody bidding war with Ferrari and McLaren, Two Mick's Racing chief, Michael McMahon, was all smiles: "The team is thrilled with our newest addition. We expect Cameron to help us win even more races, if that's possible after an undefeated season." 

"Paying him in Skittles and hugs can only help us in this challenging economy," he added.

"The kid is just incredible," chimed in racing's most accomplished throttle stylist, Paddy O'Moto. "Rumor has it he's inviting me to his GoKart-themed birthday party. I hope it's true and not just the press making stuff up again."

Accompanied by his new tutor — recently retired supermodel Bar Rafaeli, McCanless has already ditched class and departed for Two Micks Racing headquarters, according to a team spokesman.

The Nobel Prize in Physics-nomination is expected within the week. He would join O'Moto whose Nobel Prize for Sheer Awesomeness was awarded earlier this year.

Unofficial word from the FIA is that aero tests using McCanless's wind tunnel will be severely restricted unless Ferrari can have one, too.