Two Micks Racing mulls jet purchase

Two Micks Racing, the commercial, developmental, promotional and spiritual arm of motorsport uberstar P. O'Moto's global racing empire, is said to be considering the addition of another jet to its fleet. Already possessing an  impressive collection worthy of its own regional airline, Two Micks Racing has long been rumored to be in the market for a plane that will carry its other planes.

"We're negotiating with the French to be the first private owner of the new Airbus B1GA55," team CEO, Michael "The Irish Hand Grenade" McMahon confirmed from his office on the top floor of the world's tallest building. "Not only will it carry all of our racing machinery, it has a special lead-lined workshop that will allow our team of engineers to continue development of the NuclearDiesel hybrid rotary engine we are preparing for next year's 24 Hours of Le Mans."

In addition to the hangar-sized storage area and garage, the special order jet is believed to contain a three-level nightclub, Pink Berry stand and a faithful replica of Enzo Ferrari's office.

"If the French surrender it on time, I'll land her on the front straight at Magny-Cours right before we grid up for the French GP," said McMahon hopefully. "Who knows if they'll finish. We'll probably have to build it ourselves."

Dreams crushed at local playground

Little Johnny Sneed won't be pursuing his dreams of becoming an AMA roadracing champion and has sullenly retrieved his clarinet from its dusty, abandoned case. This after a surprise visit to Floyd McCanless, Jr. Memorial Park by international racing megastar, P. O'Moto. 

"I began my career on spring rider playground toys," said the current F1, MotoGP, World Superbike, World Rally, and Monster Truck champion. "I don't want to discourage the kiddies, but reality is like getting bitten by your dog.  It's inevitable and it always leaves a mark."

Johnny was not as philosophical, as his goal of one day claiming a Superbike title was dashed by O'Moto's astonishing display of bouncy skills. "I was, like, the best here for the last two summers. But Mr. O'Moto rode that Panda like it wasn't even endangered. I'm going home."

"My spring-awareness is a skill I don't take lightly," said P, signing autographs for Sneed's former fans. "It's definitely part of my weekly training regimen."

Sadly for Little Johnny Sneed, O'Moto's Grammy-winning album of clarinet concertos has just been re-mastered and released to universal critical acclaim.

*No pandas were injured in the writing of this article.

O'Moto puts pit bike on front row at San Marino Grand Prix

After crashing his #1 and #2 bikes in the Saturday stunt show, P. O'Moto used his girlfriend's bone-stock '59 Lambreta TV175 to hold off all but two of his bitter rivals in the fight for pole position at this weekend's MotoGP San Marino Grand Prix at Misano.

"I'd yanked this horn mono up the front straight when one of Adriana's heels got caught in the rear brake rotor," said O'Moto, pausing for a sip of Red Bull Moto, the energy drink released this week to much fanfare. "When she did it again, I told her she couldn't ride with me anymore. Thankfully, she let me borrow her scooter for qualifying while she was getting checked out at the Clinica Mobile."

P would have had pole had he not suffered an uncharacteristic wobble coming out of Tramonto, the hairpin leading onto the back straight. "I got on it a little early," he said. "I like to get the wheel spinning right there, but when the threads are showing like they have been for the last few months, you really have to just let it do what's it's gonna do."

The long-shuttered Lambretta factory has quickly re-opened and is scrambing to fill orders from various unnamed MotoGP teams.

Ms. Lima is recovering from heel replacement surgery.

Radical new front wing allows first ever F1 victory wheelie

The long front straight at Monza will never be the same after P. O'Moto performed the first ever wheelie in a Formula One car, crossing the start/finish line on two wheels and nearly three laps clear of his nearest rival.

"It was pretty cool," O'Moto stated, succinctly and brilliantly, holding court in his triple-wide RV that usually requires the exclusive use of two lanes of freeway traffic.

And pretty cool it was. Taking spare parts from an old window air conditioning unit he found at one of his many rental properties, O'Moto worked closely with his aero crew to design a wing that had eluded the top minds at Ferrari and McLaren for decades. 

"Simple stuff actually," P yawned. "Once we bought a new fan belt and turned the dial to 'Recirculate', it pretty much took care of itself.

At press time, Trane and EnergyWise are in a heated bidding war for sponsorship rights to the new wing.

Da Vinci designs the Two Micks Racing logo posthumously

And he did it for free. Just wanted a photo credit on our website. Said it was an early St. Patrick's Day present.

Silly Season Even Sillier for a Racer with My Skills

Relaxing after winning the inaugural F1 Grand Prix of Valencia by 30 seconds, it struck me how scary this time of the year is for racers possessing lesser skills than I. Here I am, sipping a '72 Chateauneuf du Pape (that's 1872) in the section of my ten thousand acre backyard that is a full-scale replica of Monaco, and wondering what World Championships next year will be graced by my otherworldly grasp of throttle, brake, apex and umbrella girl. My manager fills my inbox daily with pleading invitations from Ferrari, McClaren, Yamaha and Lloyd's HVAC Dirt Track Warriors. But what about the mid-packers? They'll be lucky enough to line up on one grid next year, let alone 5, like I plan to do. And knowing that no team will commit to another driver/rider until I have made my decision, the other guys are stuck waiting, missing testing, and missing mortgage payments. 

Still, I have to do what's right for me and my organization. You know us as Two Micks Racing. We call it The Bank

Gotta run. Ron Dennis is dropping off his wife and a suitcase full of cash.

More later.